Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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