Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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