I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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