everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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