If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
