the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
