I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
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I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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