I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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