somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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