So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
