i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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