My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
