I can text with my tongue
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the condom got lost in my hair
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
