I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
