I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
