The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
