if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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