Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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