so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So squirting runs in the family.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize