i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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