I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
