and my herpes radar will keep us safe
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
