You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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