He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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