Just took my morning after pill in the library
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
