why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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