Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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