i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's the barista slut.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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