the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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