I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorry my hands just texted you
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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