We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
