You made me cry and you don't even care
only if we run a train.
done.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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