Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
