My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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