good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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