My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
