Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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