So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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