if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
