That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
