Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
