im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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