i permit you to call me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.