I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
