I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
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THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I want a musical about memes.