Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY