Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is