Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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