i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
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You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
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Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.