all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
