i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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