how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
