I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
