why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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