i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
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I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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