WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
