why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
