but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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