You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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