Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you

  (1-636): View more from Missouri

  when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced

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  (636): dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you (1-636): when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced http://tfl.nu/5nrz
  Replies (5) Good night (1918) Bad night (1129)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.

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  (612): We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk. http://tfl.nu/j1no
  Replies (25) Good night (12071) Bad night (883)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.

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  (315): I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong. http://tfl.nu/20fz
  Replies (26) Good night (7361) Bad night (1088)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look

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  (206): He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look http://tfl.nu/dski
  Replies (17) Good night (4906) Bad night (1600)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".

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  (508): He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely". http://tfl.nu/dfux
  Replies (19) Good night (4319) Bad night (1415)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.

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  (850): I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes. http://tfl.nu/54pv
  Replies (5) Good night (1339) Bad night (2603)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

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  (403): We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is. http://tfl.nu/dgmw
  Replies (11) Good night (1642) Bad night (670)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  .....a litte

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  (302): are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life (860): .....a litte http://tfl.nu/slo9
  Replies (6) Good night (1307) Bad night (590)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina

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  (902): Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina http://tfl.nu/gzz0
  Replies (4) Good night (1301) Bad night (538)
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  (646): View more from New York

  If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.

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  (646): If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more. http://tfl.nu/8b5s
  Replies (8) Good night (1170) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest

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  (613): Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest http://tfl.nu/6n7k
  Replies (4) Good night (1740) Bad night (437)
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  (27): View more from South Africa

  You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.

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  (27): You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in. http://tfl.nu/09ev
  Replies (5) Good night (813) Bad night (306)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.

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  (701): Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich. http://tfl.nu/pg0v
  Replies (0) Good night (539) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM

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  (403): I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM (403): BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM http://tfl.nu/wdql
  Replies (3) Good night (630) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla

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  (248): After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla http://tfl.nu/8bae
  Replies (0) Good night (590) Bad night (284)

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