So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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