I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
