Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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