Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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