i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
