dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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