belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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